Family Values

A worn out term, I know, but it sure explains a lot, doesn't it?

Lately (as in the last 31 years) I have been perseverating on the impact of the family. I think about it all the time. My earliest recollection of thinking about the family is when I was six years old. But I digress...

My thoughts this time were ignited at the pediatric opthalmologist's office. We arrived, checked in and sat down. My son immediately noticed an outdated dinosaur poster. Outdated because it had the audacity to have a brontosaurus on it. Any budding paleontologist these days knows that "a brontosaurus was actually a mistakenly contrived dinosaur. It is made up of the bones of an apatasaurus put in the wrong places." (A Direct quote from my son.) I, on the other hand, was reading the signs posted at frequent intervals around the small room which stated "Do Not Climb or Stand on the Furniture." I laughed to myself as I thought, "That many signs really does seem a bit excessive."

Obviously I was worng, or I wouldn't be writing about this. And boy was I wrong. As we waited our turn, the waiting area was not only confused for a jungle gym, but a home theatre, and private family counseling session, as well. In the span of 20 minutes the place became so unruly and cacauphonous, that my children and I literally began to huddle together. Instinctively hoping for safety, I suppose.

It was BIZARRE. Let me take you around the room with me:

In the middle of the room, and on every chair--including a few that had people in them--were two toddlers. They ran, they screamed, they yelled, and they did indeed climb on the furniture. I would have sworn they had a Starbucks double shot for breakfast.

To the left were 3 generations of women. (I had mistaken them for a mom with both a teenage and a preschool age daughter. It was actually a mom with her teen daughter and the daughter's little girl.) The mother of the preschooler was on her cell phone arguing with her boyfriend. The preschooler was watching "The Grinch" with Jim Carrey on a portable DVD player (volume on high). The grandma(?) was yelling at her teenage daughter telling her what to say to the boyfriend.

There was an older couple, grandparents to another very young boy. He was very interested in playing with the Starbucks kids. His grandparents looked tired and worn. It was 9AM. He had already overpowered them. He joined what I will now call the ADHD gang. Every once in while, grandma would holler across the room "No, that's naughty. You come sit down." The boy would scream "NO!" Then the whole gang would chime in, scremaing "No! No! No!" and continue on their merry way.

Finally, grace was poured upon us, and we were called in for the kids' exams. As I admired the doctors diplomas (BS Yale, MD Harvard--chief resident, no less), I couldn't help but think that she somehow got jipped.